7 Essential Gottman Worksheets for Couples Therapy

Understanding the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is a well-known approach to couples therapy, developed by Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. This method is based on over four decades of research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. The Gottman approach focuses on building a stronger connection between partners, managing conflicts effectively, and creating a more positive and supportive relationship environment.

At the core of the Gottman Method are various tools and exercises designed to help couples understand and improve their interactions. Among these tools are worksheets, which provide a structured format for couples to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In this article, we’ll explore seven essential Gottman worksheets for couples therapy, which can be used individually or as part of a comprehensive therapy program.

1. The Sound Relationship House Theory Worksheet

The Sound Relationship House Theory is a fundamental concept in the Gottman Method, which describes the seven components of a healthy relationship:

• Building Love Maps: Knowing each other’s inner worlds
• Sharing Fondness and Admiration: Showing appreciation and affection
• Turning Toward: Responding to each other’s bids for connection
• The Positive Perspective: Maintaining a positive outlook on the relationship
• Managing Conflict: Handling disagreements effectively
• Making Life Dreams Come True: Supporting each other’s goals and aspirations
• Creating a Culture of Appreciation and Respect: Fostering a positive and respectful relationship environment

The Sound Relationship House Theory Worksheet helps couples assess their relationship in each of these areas, identifying strengths and weaknesses.

2. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Worksheet

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a term coined by Dr. Gottman to describe four negative communication patterns that can predict the demise of a relationship:

• Criticism: Attacking each other’s character or personality
• Defensiveness: Becoming overly defensive or dismissive
• Contempt: Showing disrespect or disdain
• Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the conversation or ignoring each other

This worksheet helps couples become aware of these negative patterns in their interactions and learn how to replace them with more constructive communication.

3. The Aftermath of a Fight Worksheet

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. The Aftermath of a Fight Worksheet guides couples in processing and recovering from conflicts in a healthy way. This worksheet includes prompts such as:

• What was the fight about?
• How did I contribute to the escalation of the conflict?
• What did I learn from the fight?
• How can we prevent similar conflicts in the future?

By working through this worksheet, couples can develop a more constructive approach to conflict resolution and strengthen their relationship.

4. The Emotional Intelligence Worksheet

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage one’s own emotions and those of others. This worksheet helps couples develop a better understanding of their emotional intelligence and how it impacts their relationship.

The worksheet includes questions such as:

• What are my primary emotions in this situation?
• How do I think my partner is feeling?
• What can I do to manage my emotions in this situation?

By cultivating emotional intelligence, couples can improve their communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills.

5. The Bids for Connection Worksheet

Bids for connection are the small moments in everyday life when we reach out to our partner for attention, affection, or connection. This worksheet helps couples become more aware of these bids and learn how to respond to them in a more supportive and loving way.

The worksheet includes prompts such as:

• What are some common bids for connection that I make in our relationship?
• How does my partner typically respond to these bids?
• What can I do to respond more positively to my partner’s bids?

By becoming more attuned to these bids, couples can strengthen their emotional connection and build a more supportive relationship.

6. The Gottman Card Decks Worksheet

The Gottman Card Decks are a set of 14 card decks that cover various topics related to relationships, such as intimacy, conflict, and communication. Each card presents a different scenario or question, and partners are encouraged to discuss and respond to each card.

The worksheet guides couples in using the Gottman Card Decks to spark meaningful conversations and deepen their understanding of each other.

7. The Gratitude and Appreciation Worksheet

Practicing gratitude and appreciation is essential for building a strong and resilient relationship. This worksheet helps couples cultivate a more positive and supportive relationship environment by focusing on the things they appreciate about each other.

The worksheet includes prompts such as:

• What are some things I appreciate about my partner?
• How can I show my appreciation for my partner in small ways?
• What can we do to create a more positive and supportive relationship environment?

By incorporating these seven essential Gottman worksheets into their relationship, couples can develop a deeper understanding of each other, improve their communication, and build a stronger, more loving connection.

💡 Note: These worksheets are meant to be used as a starting point for discussion and exploration, not as a replacement for professional therapy or counseling.

In summary, the Gottman Method offers a comprehensive approach to couples therapy, and these seven worksheets provide a valuable resource for couples looking to strengthen their relationship. By working through these exercises and developing a deeper understanding of each other, couples can build a stronger, more loving connection that will last a lifetime.